I have been scared and frustrated lately. I have discovered my name was on Her site, my full name. She answered, and ordered me to pay just to continue the conversation. and pay more. I paid and paid again. She said my name was put up because i proved to be a slut, which was the same as breaking the agreement we made when i left. (POSTED 12/15/2007 – “I will not be online anymore for You or any other domme. i will not pay more money. I will delete this account.” ” I will of course not serve other dommes at any time in the future.”) She is right, i didnt stick to it. I knew the continuation of this evening would be hard and painful.

But …suddenly… suddenly something happened, everything changed. I was back, back where i enjoyed and got aroused following Her orders again and again.

It was painful, I paid $500. After that She made me listen to a mp3 file. It was not so good for me. After hearing Her talking to “me”, i was in the palm of Her hand. So when She told me i should pay another $250, i tried to say the truth, that i was broke. I guess all of you who knows Her, knows that is just to ask for trouble. A few minutes later i paid, and my future is uncertain. I am now at zero, i can walk wherever i want. She knows i am slutty, so that is expected. But i am at a crossroad, i am not sure i can go anywhere. She is the real deal. And She is in my head.

I will listen to the mp3 again, and i will buy some additional as soon as i can find money for it. Why do i do that? Hmmmm strange, maybe it is because i cant live without Her, and i dont want to leave Her feet.

Anyway, a high price has been paid. But i know i have amused Goddess, and that makes it all worthwhile.

My wife has tonight found your previously sent sms’es on my mobile phone in the deleted messages folder. As a consequence of that we have of course a major crisis. In that process she has also seen the web page, and she is aware of a major part of my online activities.

I will probably lose my family and maybe most of my social network because of this. I can of course not run away from the fact that i myself is most of all to blaim. This situation gives the words “not a game” a new meaning.

The catastrophy is here, and i cant see the situation can be much worse. If my employer knew, my parents etc, it would not make much of a difference. I am no longer willing to fight, beg and pay for that not to happen. I will not be online anymore for You or any other domme. i will not pay more money. I will delete this account.

Compared to the consequences that i am experiencing, nothing can hurt me. I am finished.

I have lost, but i am no longer a slave.

Please let me look back at this period as a time i had with a domme of decency and integrity, the best one. I will of course not serve other dommes at any time in the future.

aaahh, it feels so good, i was able to give some small money again. It feels so good when i bend to Her supreme will. When i hear Her voice, all i feel is how Her power takes over, and my brain works as a tool for Her will.

All my principles and all my pride leaves at once. I should hate Her for it, but do i? hell NO

Now i will have to suffer a long time again, no money will be available until next payday. I can of course hope for some miracle, but they never happen when you really need them :)

I am devastated, i dont know how i will survive until next month. I have no money, and i know that if i go online, i will only upset Goddess Devon. This is so torturing.

Michelle wrote that i was now Her number one slave. He didnt know how far that was from the truth. i am nothing to her.