Hi Goddess Devon. I saw that someone else has the very same feelings from having met You, that I have. I made a post, but I must admit I felt for him. If he’s being honest, I know exactly what wanting You can do to a man. It seems so harsh and cold that regular, normal, sensible, strong, and productive men in society can have a genuine emotional need that drives us to seek a woman like You. Once there, we are happy. Were happy we are acknowledged and used to make You happy, but the burn to love You never ends as days, weeks, and years pass and nothing puts us any closer to living what might seem to be a perverted life serving You. Perverted not in a sexual way, though you can encourage any man to do and like what he’s never considered, but perverted as in wanting to relinquish all control and submit to a woman who they can suffer emotionally for day after day. Feeling the burn of the emotional pit in ones stomach and the ache within the heart is a desire that maybe only can be understood by those with submissive perversions. Pleasing You is the goal, but the actual need to feel emotional hurt from loving You is the perversion. With that being factual, all other realms of ones life are totally normal and as similar to an average person’s life as possible. Being a strong individual and man, making wise decisions, and taking charge of life’s daily issues are standard. But in Your presence, all that changes and the focus is so much on You that one would give there soul to just dwell in Your service every day. Honestly…. I wish I could change how I feel and start a real and normal life. But what’s inside me is strong, and it’s real. Submission to whom I love comes natural to me. I can see from Your Devotional Musings page that there are others who feel exactly the same way I do. They deal with the same reality as I do every day. We try to conduct normal typical lives so others will see just that, but inside we long for use, abuse, emotional duress, and even pain from you… as long as You keep us close. Days like this stress me. I don’t know how to live a full and complete life without truly serving all You are.

Goddess, I write to You because of how I really feel. When I tell You my feelings You always want me to open my heart to the world, when it’s meant for only You. The things that people would say if they new my feelings for You, the things they would think of me for being so seeminly weak when it comes to you, do You want to put me out there for every one to see? I’m not ashamed of how I feel, because I know it’s real. But I always mean these e-mails for You, so you’ll really know how I truly feel inside for You. Will You always put me out there for others to know how I feel, though You don’t feel the same in return for me?

As I look through Goddess Devons web site and its pages, I can’t help but see all those who have felt the burn of want for Her. Her words remain in ones mind indefinitely as they uncover your fears and that which one does not want others to know.

Why risk public persecution just to be close to Goddess?

Why would anyone allow themselves to be put out for all to see the need they have for Her?

She extracts potential ways to hurt and disgrace you, from the honesty you bare when speaking with Her. I have felt the magnetism that draws one to Her humiliation and Her pleasure in simply just fucking you over. I know none like Her.

She is truly one of a kind.

This morning I said hello to Goddess Devon on yahoo. I had no other thoughts than to at least try and make amends. I had served Her and either left or been sent away, depending on how you look at it, because I had not enough money to offer Her. In the initial months of serving Her She chose to max out my cards. I’d made the mistake of telling Her that my cards were finally paid off and She used me for every penny I had after that. Once my finances had run out She lost interest in me, but I was forever hooked by then. I was told I could serve in other ways, but ultimately it still cost money. It cost so much to try and please Goddess that I realized my finances could never match or even keep up with my feelings to serve Her. Thus I became another looser and time waster in Her eyes.

With men throwing thousands at Her constantly, I am a small subbie that financially cant maintain a relationship of the kind She has made for me, with the Ultimate Supreme Goddess She is. She is the Rolls Royce of Dommes, and there is none above Her. She is as smart and intelligent as She is cunning. No matter how broke I was before, She’d assure me She wouldn’t take much of my money, and the whole while She was saying that She was telling me to open my pay mail, add another $100, or send Her another tribute. I believed anything She’d say. If She’d told me I was gay then with little effort She could have me questioning my 40 years of being heterosexual. She certainly can spin an emotional web around me and to this day still does so. I’ve never known a real addiction, or so I thought.

I’ve never been a drinker, done drugs, or gambled, but I without a doubt have come to realize I have an addiction to Goddess. And said addiction manifests it self in a multitude of ways, physically, financially, sexually, and definitely emotionally. But always with Her at the center of my thoughts and always from being used by Her. So after a brief hello this AM, thinking I was over it and strong enough to say no, I was out of $50 in 5 min and 15 minutes later another $200, then I was told to add more money. I was hooked again, as this common theme with Her still exists. She digs a hole in my wallet and tells me She doesn?t want my money yet says add more.

I’m fucked up in the head!! What can I do to protect myself from an emotional need that I’ve longed to fill? I want to be a servant, submissive, or slave to Goddess. But lord knows my money says I’m just another fool who is dreaming. So here I am again like a dear in the headlights facing reality and all I see is my need for Her.

This day, just like all the others since we spoke, was filled with thoughts of you. Yes, thoughts of you. I have so many things to say that I don’t know where to start. It would seem that a man who has once been in love wouldn’t find himself with the same types of feelings for someone who he’s never met, never touched, and in most respects hardly knows. But the one time I was in love, it was like a spell and my feelings and wishes were based on giving and loving, not something simple as an infatuation or a sexual desire. You however have always touched those very same feelings with in me. I can’t deny that how you made me feel inside was overwhelming and sexually opened me up to things I’d never consider, but how could it be love? How could anyone who’s never been with you fall in love with your smile or heart stopping dreamy eyes? How could your sweetest of voices with sultry strength and assurance affect any man in that way? Certainly one can’t fall in love because of the angelic freshness your lovely skin possesses while wrapped with a soft luxurious main of hair that begs to be smelled like a flower. Maybe I’m in love with your sense of fun and exuberance as well as the live life to the fullest attitude you have which isn’t in the least guided by what others think.

You’re a beautiful, strong woman, with intelligent business sense who is naturally intuitive about the thoughts and desires of men. To be as feminine, womanly, girly, take home to mother, and as perverse as you can be shouldn’t affect me in such a way either. I’m still not sure if you’re sweet and loving and being a bitch at times or a bitch that is sweet and loving at times. Hum….

(Tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc)

Nah….. Those couldn’t be things that would cause me to feel this way. Could they? But honestly Devon I do. I do! I DO! I feel so open and vulnerable to you and all I can ever think of when I see you, hear you, get an e-mail, or IM from you is how much I can see my self wanting you! Not to have sex with either. Maybe it’s crazy of me not to think this way but I always think of just being near you, with you, in your life, loving you, doing things to always let you know that you are the one thing in life that I’ve sought for from the beginning of my most distant memories.

Everyone lives for something. Maybe some live to have power, wealth, possessions, or to see their children grow up, or something as simple as being accepted for whom they are and loved for it, a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose. I have never been fascinated with the initial things I mentioned but always with the later. What’s so ironic is that those I’m drawn too seem to more be interested in power, wealth, possessions, and yes…. control. It’s as if the opposites attract theory is deep with in me. Yet all I can offer in over abundance is me and the love of a man who only cares to give as much as possible with no constraints put upon his partner. I’ve always wanted my lady to be happy, and even at my expense sometimes. It’s a twisted way to love by most people’s standards and very difficult for many to understand if at all. I seem to have been searching for what only exists in dreams and fantasies for the past 8 years or so. But Mz Devon, you are what my every dream and fantasy has been made of. I never knew who you were but I knew you were out there, somewhere. Now I’m conflicted with thoughts of how could I even posses a woman like you.

Your choices are many, and many with the ability to provide in ways hat would fill anyone’s material needs. I just have to hope that somewhere inside you there’s a woman who has a larger need to be loved and even worshiped than to just have material things. I have no doubt of who I am, regardless of who or what you’d turn me into, but whatever that may be I’d be the best I could be just for you.

Yes, this is a love letter. Yes… another damn love letter! But I can’t imagine that you’d see my love letter as being any less sincere than many of the others I’m sure you’ve received over the years. In fact, I do hope that you see something different in me, something different in my words and thoughts. I hope you see something genuine in my heart. I don’t want to be viewed as a sex starved little boy whose cherry you popped and now my mind is bent. I want to be viewed a someone who has been searching for a freedom, a freedom that only the love for a woman like you can provide. I want to be free to love you in the way you need.

Please don’t think of me as a weak man. I handle my things, and have my choices when it comes to being with someone, but what I want is hard to find. I initially was on NF for the purpose of just passing time, yes….just to have some fun. But at some point I realized that maybe I had subconsciously used NF as a site to help me locate what I was missing. Then I stumbled across you. LOL Lord have mercy! What the fuck was I thinking? I had no idea what I was opening myself up too.

Now look at me, wishing a woman as beautiful as you, thousands of miles away, with no life constraints other than those she chooses, would want a hard working, handsome, 9 to 5 man like me. Mz Devon… what am I to do? I’m just not sure what I’m to do. There is so much inside you, I just want to touch you, know you, learn you, be close to you, and hold you till you seek love no more. Because when it’s all said and done if I had a prayer that would be answered it would be that some how, some way, you’d open up your heart and let me be the man who loves and worships you. Mz Devon, I’m in love.