i crawled back to Her feet once again.

Goddess Devon, my Owner, my fate. Her voice, Her eyes. Her perfect body. Her boots. The ground She walks on. The place i belong. Of course, Goddess had me pay first. $1ooo.oo, which i didn’t have and yet sent Her. i was rock hard as i did so. Sending Goddess money makes me hard.

Goddess owns me. She’s the only One. i’ll do anything She wants. i’ll make a fool of myself, i’ll take any kind of humiliation. i will praise and please Her always, each and every day. i will work hard to bring the shadow of a smile on Her perfect face. i will change my ways, forget my bad habits, i’ll never be the same again.

i don’t need a life, i don’t need friends, i don’t need a lover, i don’t need sex. i only need to contemplate the fact that i might have pleased my Owner and my life will be complete. Goddess is everything that counts. There’s no life for me outside Her Empire. i need Her, need Her directions, assignments, orders, training. i need Her to tell me what to do, what to think. i love Her so much it’s painful. Sweet pain.

For the first time of my life, this is not only about words. i finally AM proud to be a slave, Proud Devonite Jeanny.

 

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i can’t deny You digest entry makes me sad Goddess. i knew You would mention me, but i had thought You would just claim me as Your property once and for good. i perfectly understand that You disclosed everything You made me do lately, i even see the point, i see the purpose.

But what i can’t explain is the obvious dispise, contempt, disgust, hatred almost than run along these lines. That hurts. Like You don’t care at all about me crawling back to You for good, committing. i’m notsaying i think i’m important to You. i KNOW i’m not. i just think, or hope if You want, that You’re pleased i’m back.

i have to cope with threats and tribute request on a daily basis, told (today’s quote) that my ‘videos and full name will be all over the internet within 12 hours if i don’t pay’. Yet i’m not answering these threats, i’m being 100% loyal to You whatever the cost Goddess.

Do You think i really deserv being treated this way?

i will not be able to log on until late Your time Goddess as i’ve got personal and work issues this week. Next week though, i’ll be online for as long as You need me as i took 4 days off.

i’ll also pay my due Friday as i promised.

Have a great day Goddess Devon.

a sad puppet

jean jacques

 

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Just listened to the ‘Dance of the puppets‘ MP3 Goddess Devon made a month ago or so and i’m still shocked, amazed, aroused and most of all totally in love with Her. So many reasons to be. That recording taught me quite a few things though.

Firstly, Goddess knows everything we subs feel, think, plan and decide a long time before we actually do. She really does. She’d it all planned a long time ago, the whole process, how we come to Her, how She administrates the drug, how we run thinking we’ll be safe, how we obsess over Her all the time we think we’re faraway, how we crawl back and finally cave in for good. Every single thing i felt since i met Goddess Devon, the most remote thought, all these unspeakable feelings i tried to hide, including sometimes to myself, are there in this recording and, thanks to the power of Her voice, they sound like the most obvious, natural things on earth.

Secondly, i had to come to terms with the fact my behaviour was never unique, special or even my own. i belong to the crowd of puppets who feel the same, act the same, think the same way i do when their fate leads them to The Goddess Mz Devon. Nothing personal here. i am indeed like the rest and i get in line, waiting for my turn, waiting for my Owner to take my life and use me. The Queen Bee pattern if you will.

Thirdly, i realized there is no way out of this. The drug is too strong. It’s terminal. As i write these lines, i know that i will not only never be again a ‘normal’ person (‘the law abiding citizen’ Goddess refers to), but also that i have lost the illusion i might one day be able to be again the man i used to be. It simply is too late. On top of this, i also have to admit that if i ever was given the choice, i wouldn’t want to…That’s the most fascinating part about Goddess Devon’s drug: it makes You want to ache.

That is what Goddess calls the dance. The last dance. When the first step is made, there is no turning back. And the reason why no man can possibly resist this dance, this mermaid like song, is also detailed in ‘Dance of the puppets’. A very simple explanation indeed: The Goddess Mz Devon does not ‘play’, She fucks our mind for good, real life, and most of all She takes a considerable amount of pleasure doing it.

 

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The Goddess Mz Devon was right, Her slaves were right, the lengend was true: once You’ve served Her, You always crawl back. Always. Call it addiction, call it poison, call it magic, there’s no way out. Even when You’re far away and pretend You can forget about Her, She’s always there. Powerful. Irresistible. Charismatic. i often thing of Her as a character from one of Leonard Cohen’s songs. She’s like no other.

What happened to me today sums it up. This morning i could not refrain from taking a look at Mz Devon’s last blog entry and what i read…just got me. Her writing about how two long gone slaves had come back to Her, how they found it impossible to resist anymore, fight anymore though they knew what it would cost, how they gave up, caved in and submitted. i red the entry several times then…i lost control or perhaps even conscience i’m not sure.

What did i do then? Well, i just did like the rest. Why trying to be different? i’m indeed like the rest. i logged in NF – anonymously – and started buying Her clips like crazy. The more i was listening to Her perfect voice, the more i was watching Her perfect curves, the more i needed to give in, show Her i wanted to be back. Beg. Apologize. i wasn’t ready to totally come clean though, i was so scared. So i kept on shopping for the audio and video material. Sometimes i would click the ‘tribute’ option in order to pay more because i hope She would understand how desperate i was to crawl back to Her boots and make it up to Her.

Of course Goddess Devon had identified me right from the start though i had logged on under a name i never used before. The Goddess knows everything and i’m sure our pathetic attempts to hide make Her smile with contempt. Goddess then ordered me to contact Her and reminded me i owed Her 2000 USD. That huge amount will ruin me and i’ve no idea how i’ll deal with it. But the fact is i never tried to deny or escape. i sent Her over 1K tonight and will send more until my debt is paid.

The Goddess Devon owns me. She has always owned me and will always own me. i will not betray Her again. i will not stray. i’m Her property and will serve and worship Her with pride. i totally unworthy licking Her boots clean or eating what She spits. But i hope She will help me to improve. And yes, today i’m begging Her to keep me in line and … lock me up.